


The Adventures of Alejandro the Mudcrab

by LiciForShort



Category: Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Genre: Adventures, Alejandro - Freeform, Humor, Mudcrab, Other, Random - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-31
Updated: 2015-05-31
Packaged: 2018-04-02 03:42:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4044535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LiciForShort/pseuds/LiciForShort
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A unique coming-of-age tale in which Alejandro, a young Mudcrab living in an unnamed river, discovers that he is in fact the Dragonborn.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Adventures of Alejandro the Mudcrab

**Author's Note:**

> Thought I ought to post something funny for once in my life. If you aren't into these kinds of stories, check out my Dovah/Ralof/Bryn fanfic, Those of Dark Pasts.  
> Thanks, and hope you enjoy! :D  
> Lici

      According to common misconception, Alejandro couldn't have been happier. He had the life most mudcrabs dreamed of: a riverbank near a bridge; a supportive family to help murder, loot, and devour passers by; a steady diet of salmon, skeever, and human flesh... what more could he possibly ask for? His mother still lived with him on the bank of this particular unnamed stream, and he had three younger siblings who were sweet and happy to lend a claw whenever he so needed. 

      Alejandro was, however, very self-conscious about his name. He knew that the inhabitants of Skyrim tended to have intriguing names that incorporated apostrophes, hyphens, j's that sounded like y's, double u's that made an "ugh" sound, and so on; the name "Alejandro" was so plain and boring in comparison.

      His favorite name he'd encountered was probably that of a female mercenary who'd been crossing the bridge above only a few days ago. The name was Uthgerd. It had a strange ring to it; it reminded him of his great step-grandmother for some reason. It made him want to read poetry; he didn't know why.

      But Alejandro knew that the hatred of his name would be his downfall, and he couldn't let that happen. His mother, G'jardea-Mguul, had been raised by a Khajiit caravan, and had taught him the importance of names.

      Nonetheless, Alejandro felt as though he was living in the shadow if his mother; he had always envied the complexity of her name. Each time he heard it, it sent shivers up his exoskeleton. G'jardea-Mguul... It had such a beautiful ring to it. So charming in a foreign way... like a far off breeze blowing the moss off of your mandibles.

      But Alejandro... It was so painfully simple. He didn't even know what it meant.

      "Whirr-click-click-whiiiiistle pop.(Alejandro, get your head out of the clouds and do your chores, boy. G'jardea-Mguul hasn't all day to wait for her son.)"

      It was his mother. He could hear the anger in her voice as she spoke in the authentic Mudcrab tongue, M'djerglik.

      "Click snap-whiiiiz-pheeeee-whirr pop!(Alejandro is getting to it, mum! Alejandro only has to wash the blood from last night's kill off of the bridge, and he shall be finished with his chores!)"

      His mother was very demanding. As wonderful as the woman was, she could use a little less moon sugar and a little more love. The Khajiit caravan that had raised her had taught her the ways of their people, and now Alejandro and his family all killed, spoke, and lived in the ways of the Khajiit.  
Alejandro scurried up the steep riverbank towards the bridge, holding as much water as he could in his mouth. When he arrived at the site of the blood stain, he proceeded to spit the water out onto the flagstones and scrub his legs over it, making frustrated whirrs and clicks as he did so. 

      Cleaning up the blood after a kill was the hardest part, but easily the most necessary. If an unsuspecting bridge-crosser were to see the blood of a previous victim pooling on the otherwise clean and inviting flagstones of the bridge, they would probably become scared and raise their guard, or even run off before crossing the bridge.

      Alejandro didn't see why he had to do the cleaning, but his mother had taught him that it was his job since the day of his birth. It wasn't fair. His younger siblings, Bob and Moe, got to pig out on the previous night's kill while Alejandro scrubbed and scrubbed until the flagstones gleamed.      

       At that moment, Alejandro heard the telltale click of horse's hooves and scurried towards the edge of the bridge to hide in the mud with his family. He was about to cross the final flagstone when a hand snatched him up by the leg, hoisting him up and into a shoddy, splintering cattle wagon.

      Alejandro didn't know what to do. He had never been caught by a human before. He flailed his legs around, scratching at anything that moved. He could feel his heart thumping in his shell, and he tried to swallow down last night's dinner that was quickly rising in his... Um... Whatever you call it in a Mudcrab. Throat, windpipe, food hole... Alejandro didn't know what its name was.

      "Hey, horse thief, look what I've caught! It's a baby Mudcrab!"  
      A booming, thickly accented voice rang out, deafening Alejandro as he squirmed, attempting to loosen the man's grip on his leg.

      "Haha! Never seen one of those before! Aww, look at him. You've scared him shitless!"  
      Another voice chimed in, considerably more annoying that the first had been. It was high pitched and nasally, and it made Alejandro want to beat his earholes to a pulp.

      Alejandro was dropped onto a rough wooden bench in the cart as the two men laughed, and he took a moment to look around.

      There were three other people in the wagon: a huge, burly Nord wrapped in assorted furs, with multitudes of braids woven into his hair; a scrawny Imperial with shaggy brown hair laden with grease; and another Nord with blond hair and a bit of a mead-belly.  Alejandro would have taken pleasure in tearing all of them open and devouring their innards; if only his mother were there to help.

      Alejandro screamed protests at the hideous blond Nord who had picked him up by the shell and was now flipping him onto his back to examine his soft underbelly.  The Nord just laughed and continued poking and prodding Alejandro's belly.

      Alejandro tried with all of his might to replicate the strange, throaty sounds of the Human language, but only succeeded in making the men laugh harder.

      _I'm going to die here..._ He thought, a sudden wave of sorrow washing over him.  He looked up at the blond man, and gave it one last try.

      "Please, put Alejandro down.  Can the insolent Nord not see that Alejandro is terrified?" 


End file.
